i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Do vagina's smell?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
