I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
