i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
