Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize