I hate your face
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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