What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
