We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
