he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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