I'm going to jail i love you
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize