mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
