The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
