I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
How does it feel to date your dad?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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