I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
