We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
