remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
