Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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