I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
