Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
