Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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