It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
