I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
