Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
