Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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