Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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