TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
