There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We named our party play list daddy issues
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
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