i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
