my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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