I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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