how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
