It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
