So drunk its hurt
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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