Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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