I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
