you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
