she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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