I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
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