It's like God shit irony all over that family
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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