And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
