guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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