dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Go christen that room with your naked body.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
