South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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