oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
