Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
