my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
