dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize