would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
do herpes really smell.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
