we have officially lost it.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
