Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
