so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
