Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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