I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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