I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
