Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
