my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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