My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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