Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize