I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
