eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
