What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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