Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I have so many feelings about this burrito
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
