my mouth tastes like poor choices
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
