I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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