It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
