The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
