Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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