And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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