I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
