I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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